My grandfather always had a major influence on my life. His lessons still stay with me today, more than 10 years after his death. On Father’s Day, I started a six part series to memorialize the lessons to share with you. The lessons are timeless and important to any stage. Click the links below to share in the value he added for both career and life.
This is first in a series of six posts about lessons I learned from my grandfather that apply to career growth and development, in addition to being generally good advice for life. This is in his memory and in honor of Father’s Day.
Most times when I walked into my grandfather’ house, next door to where I grew up, he was reading. The entertainment value of reading was important to my grandfather, who was retired for many years and lived on his own. My grandmother died the year before I was born, so he had spent many years without her. Reading filled the time, the loneliness, and gave ideas for discussion when visitors stopped by.
My grandfather’s favorite book was Jack London’s Call of the Wild. At one point, he had bulk-bought copies so that he could hand out the book to people who hadn’t read it before. It seemed to be his mission to expose the world to this story. The summer I was heading into middle school, Pops decided that the time had come for me to read Call of the Wild.
At twelve years old, I loved reading, so it didn’t take too much prodding to have me do this. Nancy Drew had been my series of choice for years. The downside of my girl-detective obsession was a limited vocabulary (as was suggested to my parents by teachers), so to read Call of the Wild I needed to carry around a dictionary with me. Wasn’t I the coolest kid at camp, carrying around not just a book while everyone was on the playground, but a book accompanied by a dictionary.
While I often have to refer to Google to remind myself of the plot of Call of the Wild, (it clearly did not become one of my favorite books!) I do remember how accomplished I felt when I finally finished. I was more confident in what I could read, feeling like not book was truly out of reach. Referencing the dictionary slowed me down when I couldn’t figure out the “context clues,” but I was proud of the effort it took to finish and actually know what was going on. Looking back, I also realized that:
- I was learning how to overcome small obstacles with my own initiative. In order to make Pops proud and complete the task, I had to assess options to get through the book. Carrying the dictionary around, so be it.
- My capabilities would extend as far as I would let them. I could have struggled and given up, or I could resolve to find solutions and succeed.
- My goals are my goals alone, for no one else to judge. While it was Pops’ idea to read the book, it was my decision to do it. I was teased for carrying a dictionary, but I’d bet I accomplished a few more personally meaningful things than other campers.
My grandfather had to drop out of school in the 8th grade, during the Depression, to help his family. Though he never attended high school, he understood the value of educating yourself both formally – he encouraged all three of his sons to go to college, and they graduated – and informally, by choosing your own adventure. He was a role model by both showing and telling the importance of reading outside of school assignments. It wasn’t just for show, and it set the stage for how important continuous improvement and constant learning can improve our lives and our careers.
While there were some strange times when he might have been reading the obituaries from an out of town newspaper (Dad would often bring him newspapers from other cities on his travels for work), it was clearly evident that reading could be both for learning and enjoyment.
One book Pops read in his later years was Devil in the White City, a novel-like historical non-fiction by Erik Larson, about the times leading up to and during the 1893 World’s Fair in Chicago. When Pops suggested I read it, I was in college. My time was overwhelmed with a challenging engineering curriculum and all of my extracurricular activities, so it went unread for several years. In 2007, my grandfather died from an unexpected illness shortly before fall break of senior year. Over that following Thanksgiving, feeling devastated by his absence, I finally tore through Devil in the White City. Of course, Pops was right that I would love it.
Books are a powerful connector of people. Not only can they provide information, but also deep emotional associations. When you can share that raw feeling with another person, it opens you up not only emotionally, but intellectually and to the world beyond your own bubble. Books aren’t just an escape from our day-to-day; they are bigger than that. Reading serves as a bridge in relationships and our perceptions.
The value of reading helps to break up the monotony of business emails and technical reports that can drain us mentally. As communication has transformed to a greater digital focus and definitely more visual, reading can help keep the brain stimulated and primed to think differently. Imagine how much that can help with improving problem solving. What do you see in the value of reading? Did you learn to love any activities from a favorite family member?
The other five stories will be published in coming days. Please check back soon!
As I’ve been on this quest of creativity, I’ve been focused on developing more ideas that I can execute on. However, if you ever talk to my husband, he might tell you that the last thing I need more of is ideas. Though I am a believer of quality over quantity, some quantity of ideas can beget even more ideas. Why shut off the faucet if the water is desired and flowing? A lot of quality ideas can cascade down into a few great concepts worth pursuing. We should strive to come up with as many ideas as is possible if we desire to create anything and have success.
But what to do with these ideas?
All you need is a little ambition and courage to put your ideas out into the world. I’m still experimenting with this, and am excited about the big splash one certain idea made in my world with self publishing a book later this year. Writing is certainly one outlet, and so is the traditional creative endeavor of art. With the rise of innovation, creativity is entering and transforming not only the workplace, but how people live, use products, transport themselves, and interact with humans, animals, and robots alike.
If you’re inspired to make change in the world around you but aren’t quite sure where to begin, here are some thoughts about coming up with more ideas:
- Reading. Take risks with genres you wouldn’t normally pursue, try new authors, and read about things you may have never heard of before. Diversifying your selections allows exposure to new concepts, beliefs, and understandings. Most of my reading revolves around non-fiction, like leadership, management, and personal improvement. But mixing in fiction gives me an opportunity to treat my brain to a break and think about life from someone else’s imagination.
- Listening to lyric-free music. As fun as lyrics make songs fun to sing along to, I listen to lyric-free music at work. I find I can be more focused and take the energy of the music and apply it the energy I need to work with and get things done. Some examples I enjoy are movie scores (anything by John Williams is a winner for me), college fight songs, and some of my favorite composers like Tchaikovsky.
- Walk or run outside. Either of these activities allow you to get away from the daily grind. Being physical in the fresh air, sunshine, and breeze is freeing and mind opening for me. It is also time away from distraction. On early morning workouts, I often find peace and quiet on the track to think through challenges I need to work through or what excitement is coming in my day.
- Meditate. Despite haphazard implementation into my own life, I see multi-day impacts from just one three or five minute session. I am able to think both more broadly and with greater clarity. It gives the ability to assess new and different concepts I couldn’t before. When I am frustrated in both personal and professional settings, I find that the meditation practice, even intermittently, helps me step back and re-frame the situation.
- Share the ideas you do have. Expressing ideas to receptive listeners (and especially the devil’s advocates in our lives) forces us to think through details, challenges, and how we might execute. Sharing with someone who asks thoughtful questions can put your idea on a new axis of orientation and spin it in a new direction.
- Writing in a journal. Writing down thoughts on a regular basis can free up your mind for a task, have therapeutic benefits, and preserve your ideas for future reference. I like to spend fifteen to twenty minutes a day, sometimes less and sometimes more, reflecting on the events immediately past or upcoming. This writing lets me connect with my feelings and gives an outlet to express and explore. It forces me to come to terms with where I really stand, good and not so good, and practice self-awareness.
- Be bored. Creating the optimal time and space to think without anything else going on around you can be tough to carve out. Put your phone away. Close the laptop. Even hide the headphones in the drawer. Being bored lets the brain have a rest from constant stimulation. However, I find that my brain focuses on my thoughts in a relaxing and non urgent manner, unlike meditation, where thoughts pass through. Growing up, being bored forced my imagination and creative side to activate. We made up stories and new sports – boredom forced us to be adventurous in a variety of ways. This can be true as adults, too!
- Have interesting conversations. Dig deep, be curious, ask questions. Talk to strangers (carefully). Examine your values with others. Play the contrarian instead of agreeing. Explore the “why” all around you. Get rid of small talk, and truly get to know about someone’s history and purpose and place in this world. Take the topic of weather, a typical point in small talk. Addressing snow or sun might lead to discussing hobbies that are weather based, then onto the entry into those sports, and what benefits someone gets from a lifetime of skiing or hiking.
- Try new experiences. How do you learn and adjust to changes? Whether it is trying Thai food for the first time or actually going to explore Thailand, find something in your budget that takes you out of your comfort zone. You may see (or taste) things very differently going forward.
- Don’t let anything get in your way. We can be our own worst enemies with ideas. They don’t need to be realistic yet when they are just ideas. Start with no judgment, expectation, or requirement for you ideas. Just let them “be” to begin, and you can take next steps, next!
- Practice, practice, practice. I am a horrible free throw shooter, not that I’m a great basketball player anyhow. I loved the game in high school, though, and I experienced the joy in the desire to get better. Practice, when consistent and done whole heartedly, can be a path toward excellence. Ideation takes practice too – pretty soon you’ll be practicing the execution of ideas.
One of my personal goals in the coming months is to experiment more with execution, to go beyond the idea phase. Most, if not all, ideas are not perfect on their first iteration, or in theory only. By getting to “ship stage,” execution allows the idea to come to life, to figure out what adjustments are needed to meet the desired goal, and figure out if it will fail or has a chance at successful impact over time. I hope to be a catalyst for positive change in the worlds around me, whether work or home or socially or with organizations I volunteer for. This experimentation goal will take some courage to put myself out there. It might be the same for you.
Coming up with new ideas can be invigorating if you welcome the opportunity to think and try the eleven techniques listed. New ideas excite my passion for life. Ideas ignite the possibility that anything can be possible if I believe it to be so.
What methods do you find best for coming up with ideas? Are you pursuing execution of any of your ideas? Are there additional methods you would add to the list?
A colleague I admire – she balances the details and big picture while still having a good time – and I had lunch recently. While catching up on life, she recalled an event she was at the night before. “I’m still trying to get better at networking,” she confessed. Her next comment surprised me: “You’re so good at going to events and networking, you’ll have to tell me all your secrets!”
Networking is full of hurdles – clearing the calendar, understanding if the purpose is worth time and money, registration and payment (and maybe an expense report), parking and transportation issues, and then getting in in the door on time. Once you’re there, walking into a room of people you don’t know is scary. As humans, we crave contact and connections with others. It is no fun being on the outside when it appears that everyone else is having a great time and seems to know everyone in the room when you don’t.
But WHY do I need to network?
I hear people say all the time, “I’m not looking for a job, so I don’t need to network.” There is far more benefit to networking than trying to find a job, good reasons that support putting thought and effort and energy into feeling more confident while you network. Here are only just a few examples:
- Meeting new friends or future co-workers (you can recruit them to your company!)
- Connecting with possible mentors, advisors, and sponsors
- Exposure to a new sector of your industry, to people doing important or interesting work you hadn’t known about before
- Education on emerging trends and challenges
- Network INSIDE your company to build deeper relationships and knowledge
If you can first adjust your mindset about networking, and then apply some practices, networking will become a less overwhelming experience and hopefully one that is more enjoyable!
First, adjust your mindset
When I was an early teenager, those most awkward of years for anyone, my mom was first running for elected office in our hometown. My parents thought it would be a great lesson and exposure to have the three kids involved, so involve us they did. It was terrifying then, but I am thankful now, because it helped create a different mindset around communicating with others. Ringing doorbells in new neighborhoods or walking into a room of strangers to ask for a vote, I realized I had a job to do. This was purely business, and others would be interested in how they could benefit from me being there. Otherwise, there was no need for me to be interrupting. Over the years, I learned a lot about people that made these kinds of tasks easier to approach.
- Most everyone in the room is a little bit nervous also.
- People are people, no matter their title. We’re all going through this world together.
- Finding out what is important to someone and helping them to solve their problems is a great way to provide value
- Some people are naturally rude or disinterested – it isn’t your fault.
Then, practice, practice, practice
The “game” can begin ahead of the event beginning. These are a few practices I have to prepare and feel more confident before getting to the room.
- Check the guest list. Maybe you see someone you want to meet.
- Evaluate directions, timing, and parking. Having logistics under control reduces stress before you’re even on your way.
- Pack business cards. This is obvious, but often forgotten. And your challenge should not be to give away or collect as many as you can. It comes off as sleazy, so if you focus on quality over quantity, you’re in a good place.
- Research speakers or attendees. If you are attending a panel or event with a speaker, you can gain some insight about why others might be there as well or if there are products or services that could provide a partnership opportunity (another reason for business cards!)
Once I walk in the door, there are a few approaches I take to make my life easier and increase the opportunities to build connections. Here is what I do once I’m at a networking event.
- Carry as little as possible so it is easier to shake hands. Holding bags and coats requires constant adjustment and takes away from full engagement. The coat rack is a great place to greet other attendees!
- Grab a drink of water first thing. A quick glass will help with any thirst and limit the likelihood you might get dry later.
- Avoid all other food and beverage if possible, until you can be seated. I try to come already caffeinated and having had a snack, or an early meal. When you are hungry, you aren’t focused on the conversation. Avoid the food and avoid the stain or spill.
- Wear a smile. This isn’t a ginormous grin from your high school yearbook, but is something friendly that makes you approachable.
- Walk slowly into the room. This goes great with the glass of water tip. See if you know anyone or spot anyone else who might be looking for someone to talk to. If you’re alone, this can help you find your entry and direction into the room.
- Separate from anyone you came with. If you didn’t come alone, see if either of you can make introductions to new contacts. In the case where there are no mutual connections, separate yourselves to start. Hold off on re-uniting until you can make introductions.
- Keep the cell phone out of sight. People will assume you are too busy to chat if on your phone – no one considers you are scrolling through social media posts hoping someone will say hi. It shows immense disinterest in the people and the event. Why did you bother showing up? You’re here to get better!
- Greet everyone you walk by. Even if people are already in groups, making eye contact and saying hello and something like “how are you?” can be a good ice breaker. You might be invited into a group, or be able to determine who might be easy to talk to later.
- Ask tons of questions of other people. Why did they come to this event? What interesting projects are they working on? Did you see the game or show last night? By asking questions, you show interest in the other person. That allows someone to feel more at ease talking to you.
- Inquire about sharing opportunities. This goes beyond swapping business cards (but please do that!). You need to see if there is a chance for future connection.
- Know when the conversation should end, and thank the person for their time. It is the little things that make a difference to people, so end the communication politely and on a high note.
And once at home or back at the office, there are a few things left to finish the networking experience:
- Recap what you learned. This is especially important for when you attended a professional development event or discovered unpublished/non-public information.
- Keep promises. If you said you would follow up or are interested in talking to someone further, send an email to start.
- Add contacts to your system. Whether in your phone, an app that scans and organizes business cards, placing in a Rolodex or organizing system (some people still use these and love them!), or entering in Outlook, make sure to keep the info of people you want to keep in touch with. Add highlights of the conversation into the description section along with the date and event where you met.
- Continuing the conversation on LinkedIn. Use the internet to your advantage! Don’t forget to send a custom note with the invite. This is a great way to learn more about the other person based on what they share.
These are all practices that should make it easier for you to not have to stress with networking events. Perhaps armed with this knowledge you might even sign up for a few more you were afraid to attend!
Showing up to a networking event ready to mingle with other professionals may find you friends, new colleagues, a job, or a client. Make sure the first event you go to is not your last. Try different organizations and varying topics. Ask others what events they like attending. Once you become more confident with networking events, it will be easier to have fun and take advantage of more opportunities!
How have you conquered networking? Is there anything that still scares you walking into a room? Do you think these suggestions will help you feel more at ease and make better connections?
Have you ever found yourself frustrated with life, and someone says the right thing at the right time to change your outlook? On Friday this past week, I received an incredibly humbling surprise at work. Reflecting on it, I was wondering about the right response approach.
A local executive in my office, from a different functional group, walked into my office unexpectedly. The team atmosphere in my office is great, so his walking in was not out of the norm in our company culture. What was said, and the enthusiasm with which is was said, was not out of the norm either. But it was still, to me, an extremely pleasant surprise!
The project he was coming to talk to me about had been a fantastic growth and experience opportunity, but a tremendous challenge. I was working fairly independently in a new direction and experiencing doubt, imposter syndrome, and fear that I might not be capable. This executive came to share praise for the efforts on this particular project. He noted that the overwhelming success to date on an extremely complicated project was something to be proud of because of how rare this level of success is, even without the inherent complexity. The team had banded together along the way, but the executive was specific about my role on top of praising the team.
How amazing was this! A sweet cap to a week that was challenging because of two sick dogs at home, requiring us to rearrange two work schedules, full site visits for me and experiments for my husband, for vet visits, accompanied by poor nights’ sleep making sure the pups were taken care of.
How to receive praise?
I immediately sent a text to my husband to share the exciting event that had just happened. He was clearly delighted also. On the commuter rail ride home I got a high five (this is how we roll, ha!) and a kiss in congratulations. As we were catching up on this and other events of the day, the thought kept coming back into my head if I had received the praise properly.
Whether at home, socially, or in the workplace, it seems like there is never enough praise or appreciation. Some of this may have to do with how we receive it, and how that impacts how willing someone might be to share it with us. If it seems like someone doesn’t want something, even a good word, why would another person continue to make the effort to give it?
Here are some approaches to receive praise the right way, and to ensure you continue to be recognized for your good work.
Acknowledge the praise
When you receive praise, it is important to acknowledge and accept the praise, first for yourself internally and secondly from the person giving it to you. It feels great to know that someone cares about your success and recognizes your efforts in that success.
Say thank you
This is a simple action that most of us learn as toddlers. Part of the acknowledgment of receiving praise is expressing thanks. Read on for ways to say thank you! When someone shares a kindness, it is important to recognize that compliment or favor. The appreciation
Someone is taking the time out of their day to give you praise or thanks for something you did. Unless you didn’t truly play a role at all, the acceptance and thanks will be all you need. When you deflect praise that is rightfully yours, it makes the giver uncomfortable. If someone is uncomfortable, why would they want to give you praise again?
If you truly had nothing to do with the reason for the praise, make sure to recognize the proper people. In the situation where you’re on a team making success happen, allow yourself to accept for yourself and the team. Something like, “thank you, I appreciate you saying that! I’ve been working hard with the team on the execution and Jenny and Andrew really helped make it happen” does just that.
Pass it on if for you and others
Make sure to pass on the praise if you are acknowledged as the leader or part of a team. Be mindful of how other people like to be praised. Some people enjoy public praise in front of their peers, while others are more reserved and private.
Accept the praise as truth
The person giving praise is doing so because they feel you are deserving. If it honestly was no big deal, try revelling (internally!) in the fact that what seems easy or normal for you is impressive to others. Denying the praise is a reflection on the person giving it, insinuating that they are wrong (unless of course, the praise does not reflect the real situation).
Ways to say thank you
One of the many lessons I learned from my grandfather was to be thoughtful about how I said thanks. It assumed the necessity and practice of saying thank you, and recognized the need to acknowledge those who were thanking me.
- Thank you too! This shows appreciation for the other person and their role in the accomplishment. People are often surprised by this response because they are not expecting to be thanked back!
- It was my pleasure! If you enjoyed the act that preceded the praise, this phrase can highlight your team-player aspects and show that you are a positive person who cares about contributing to the greater cause.
- This means a lot to me Expressing your personal feelings can build a relationship because you are open and honest. This is a professional phrase that exhibits vulnerability while saying thank you.
- You’re welcome But, you ask, isn’t this the normal thing to say in American culture? Yes, though it can be improved by some of the above options. By saying “you’re welcome”, it can feel like you’re placing a burden on the other person.
- Not a problem/No big deal When you mention a word like problem, the listener hears it as “this was a problem to you,” whether or not it is true. This response comes off as insincere, even if you were happy to do it.
Some of these approaches require only minor modification to thought process and behaviors that might feel like natural responses. With a little consciousness and attention to how others react to our reactions, we can change how we are perceived and hopefully receive more praise. If we don’t pay attention to these kinds of attitudes or act in the right way, we can be seen as difficult to work with. It doesn’t take a major life adjustment to become a better family member, friend, and colleague. Small steps can make a big difference!
My grandfather’s advice seemed counterintuitive when he gave it to me in high school. Looking back after putting it into practice, I realized he had a keen sense of how people feel and want to feel interacting with others. Don’t we all want to feel great about all of our relationships? Accepting praise in the right way can be a differentiator.
Have you tried receiving praise in a different way before? How do others react to you when you give them praise, and how does it make you feel?