Category Archives: Personal Development

7 Lessons to Create Positive Impact Confidently

Posted on by under Advice, Career, Communication, Fun, Leadership, Personal Development, Professional Development, Uncategorized

A little over a month ago, I spent time with 800 women in Texas exploring how we can “inspire the woman, impact the world.” Over the extended weekend that we were convened, we had the opportunity to be educated by experts on growing relationships, supporting people and organizations through crisis, achieving excellence, succeeding through conflict, improving ourselves personally and professionally, delegating, coaching others, and how to engage other volunteers. Do you think this is something that would interest your day to day and the work you are doing?

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What brought these hundreds of women together was a shared experience in our Alpha Gamma Delta sorority – from friendships, a shared purpose, and how our lives have been transformed by this organization over the years. However, some of what impacted me the most from Convention are seven takeaways that can help ANYONE, ANYWHERE who seeks to create positive impact for themselves and the world around them, ranging through career, family, and community.

Here are my seven lessons I learned to create positive impact confidently from my time in Texas – and you don’t have to be an Alpha Gam to benefit!

  1. A small group of people can make a difference. A group of 20 women volunteered at Meals on Wheels San Antonio to help make breakfast packs, and over 1,700 meals were produced in a short window of time. That meant on average, each person produced over 90 meals each. Our ability to create these meals allowed the kitchen team to focus on their responsibilities like keeping the space sanitary for code requirements and remain open to serve those in need. In a city with a population of almost 1.5M, Meals on Wheels has a large audience and 1,700 meals only lasts 2.5 days. This underscored the importance of being involved locally and regularly. Additionally, it showed the power of compound impact of small groups and small donations of time. Showing up when you are able and giving as you can provides immense impact to. Almost 100 people would eat breakfast per person with this effort. Isn’t that incredibly powerful for showing up for only a couple hours? Bringing friends or doing work in a group very quickly multiplies that effort. And, it is more fun!
  2. We need to seek out others unlike us for both mentoring and to be mentored. We were enthralled by the keynote speaker Chef Jeff. Now a celebrity chef, he is a former drug dealer who turned his life around while in prison and after, especially with the support of his now wife. He also credited mentorship, opportunities that encouraged him how to learn, and that there was more to life than being in the streets – a world beyond. Chef Jeff sought advice from others who had achieved monetary success prior to their imprisonment. What Chef Jeff learned, he applied. It took a jail mentor telling Chef Jeff that he was smart and talented for him to believe it, something he hadn’t heard much of during a difficult upbringing. The primary point Chef Jeff encouraged us to remember was to go out and mentor someone in the world who didn’t share our opportunities and experiences. This person should be someone from a different socio-economic sphere, someone with a different skin color or culture than our own. We forget how lucky we are when we surround ourselves with similar people, and that we can offer the same hand up and help others create opportunities with our time, shared knowledge, and belief in someone else. In my own experience, it can be difficult to find a mentor. It can be powerful change when you become that person for someone else, even if you never had it yourself.
  3. The importance of recognizing people who give. The Fraternity (though we are widely recognized as a sorority) rewarded members for years, and in some cases decades, of service to the organization with varying magnitude of recognition. For women who receive these honors, it is incredibly memorable and special. In a professional setting, this may be recognized with promotions, raises, opportunity for special projects, or awards unique to the company or industry. Recognizing people who give in any setting is important because it validates the efforts as being valuable, meaningful, and having had an impact on others. Extraordinary contributions require dedication and time that are finite resources when people balance other commitments and priorities in their life. Whether it is a certificate, trophy, or an update to the business card, honoring a person with appropriate recognition matters. The way someone is recognized should also matter. Recognizing others in front of both peers and superiors, in other words, publicly, makes a case study of what qualifies as exceptional and also expands those who are aware of what is given for incredible efforts and overcoming obstacles to succeed. While not everyone appreciates public attention, it is the surest way to let people know that they are appreciated and what they do matters.
  4. Why it is important to strive for achievement. Achievement should measure the impact that someone or some organization has in what is does for itself and for others. When awards were presented from the Alpha Gamma Delta Foundation for fundraising and in support of fighting hunger initiatives and supporting scholarship and educational endeavors, the room was energized and the cheers thunderous, along with the jingle of the light-up tambourines. Chapters who blew us away in previous conventions continued to take it to the next level, while some new chapters set a strong foundation in what will be a major impact on community for years to come. It doesn’t always matter how you get there, but that you journey toward the destination. Focusing on achievement also guides what efforts are taken, as it defines goals and ideal outcomes. Perfection doesn’t matter, but that we go through the process with our best heart and best efforts forward. Without something to strive for, we lack direction. With something to strive for, we can continue to make positive impact and change.
  5. Make the best of situations with who and what you have. During the first breakout sessions when it appeared a scheduling conflict made one session less useful than its intent, the presenters were able to create bonds and learn from key attendee they had been hoping to meet about transformative efforts. At the same time, we were able to collect most of the International Philanthropy Committee together for an impromptu, in-person meeting. It allowed us to set goals, build the bonds more deeply than over the phone, share ideas, and ask questions. When we do our phone calls over the next few months, we will have understanding about our team members and easily put faces and names together. This helps me personally to add context to tone of voice or how to interpret questions and comments better. When the session didn’t go as planned, it could have been viewed as a lost cause. But in small groups with a change of plans and altered execution, we made positive progress toward goals anyhow!
  6. The connections we make with others are what make life meaningful. Relationships are at the heart of what makes life so enjoyable. No matter what form they come in – friendship, professional, romantic – we are provided with a person who brings joy, offers encouragement, lifts us, and teaches us. For Alpha Gam, the 800 women in the room already shared the same Purpose to define our public values. The Purpose guides us and binds us already, so even as we make new friends, we start at an elevated level. When I think of this in a professional context, we are very much on the same team as colleagues – the more success we contribute to and create as an organization, the greater the opportunities are for all of us, and the more fun it is to work together. What I remember most fondly are not the breakout or business sessions, but the time having lunch together, sharing conversation and coffee, and catching up with my roommate, to name just a few examples.
  7. Organic change is not enough. Isaac Newton, the eminent British physicist, declared in his first law of motion what we commonly hear as an object at rest will stay at rest, and an object in motion will stay in motion, unless an outside force acts upon the object. As time passes, adoption of standards, philosophies, and technologies naturally come into our life. However, in organizations and for moving society forward, it takes thought, vision, risk, and courage to change programs, norms, and behaviors from what was to what will carry us forward, and it is better to carry forward than be left in the dust. With new generations rising, we need to adjust to make sorority meaningful and valuable – our grandmothers and Founders would have desired a different experience, whether a suffragette or accepting of status quo. Advancement as a sorority, corporations, and nations require that we act swiftly yet thoughtfully, always looking ahead and continuing to move, rather than standing safely in our place. We cannot rely on the change by others to guide us, but must steer our ship through storms of change to get to our destination of becoming better and doing better.

 

So for me, and for you if you joined an organization that extends beyond the college years, Alpha Gamma Delta is for life. Those vows we made as collegiate women were bigger than we realized at the time, creating foundations and opportunities for friendship and bold influence on the world around us. The lessons I learned as a collegian ten years ago and what I learned at convention a month ago stay with me and are my inspiration to continue to strive to do better for myself, those around me at home and in career, and my community at large.

But, even if you are not a member of an organization like Alpha Gam, these are lessons that apply to work, home, the community, and life generally. The lessons outlined represent what can make an influence in our corporations, non-profits, and families. They are also effective inter-personally.

Which of the seven lessons resonates the most with you? How do you apply it, or hope to apply it, in your life?

Stand Up For Yourself (#5 of 6 – Lessons That Impact Life)

Posted on by under Advice, Career, Communication, Personal Development, Professional Development, Uncategorized

This is fifth in a series of six posts about lessons I learned from my grandfather that apply to career growth and development, in addition to just being generally good advice for life. This is in his memory and in honor of Father’s Day.

Who else was a shy kid growing up? It doesn’t make things easier to try and shift into the background when you want to be part of everything. Sometimes, to avoid other kids being mean, you do make that background shift and decide not to fight back. Though I didn’t always admire his methods, I did admire that my grandfather would stand up for himself. It was an example that helped me build some courage when I was younger, and that in turn helped me be a better self advocate and leader as I grew into a professional.

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For many years in our neighborhood, we would play games but have teams with odd numbers of players. We would come up with creative solutions to make basketball and wiffle ball and any other game work for us. Sometimes we dragged in unwilling sisters and brothers, or younger siblings tagging along who weren’t quite ready, but we needed to include them. We wanted to play, the weather was good, and we did what we felt we had to do.

One year, a new family moved in. The thought of more kids to even out our teams and play with was exciting, but we found out quickly the brother was not who we were hoping for and the sister had zero interest in playing with us. Despite being in the same age range, this brother had a strange “maturity” in his lack of kindness and the power he wanted to have over others. My grandfather was not a fan of the way he treated us, and was sure to let  “Nick” know about it.

Nick, of course, took exception to an old guy telling him how things were, so he began harassing my grandfather as well. Things unfortunately were a little violent from a distance at times, like when Nick and a friend threw soda cans at my grandfather’s house, exploding the brown, sugary insides all over the white vinyl siding. It created a mess and I could tell Pops was frustrated and a little in disbelief that someone would treat another person, never mind a person of his age, that way. He found some pipe cleaners to string together a couple exploded Coke cans and hung them on the oversize letter loop of the mailbox.

“Why did you do that?”, I asked Pops. His answer, while I forget the exact words, were to the tune of “I’m showing him who’s boss.” While I didn’t quite see how that was the case, I appreciated that he took care to make sure he stood up for himself. It made me feel badly that I didn’t do a better job of doing that for him as Nick was only a little younger than me.

From there on out, and from my own absence of action in defense of Pops, I realized that if you didn’t stick up for yourself, there was no guarantee that someone else would do it for you. I learned that I needed to be present and a part of things if I wanted to be a person of impact, that I had to speak up for what I wanted and ask for it. Sitting off to the side and letting others speak for me, even if it didn’t represent how I felt, wasn’t going to be a good way to go through life. This “Nick Soda Incident” and Pops’ reaction was powerful, because it made me rethink my entire approach to life – though I do acknowledge a lack of maturity on behalf of everyone involved. Pops in a way, decided not to really retaliate, but was able to show his dislike of the event by taking ownership of what was meant to scare him.

If that had not happened, and had I not asked Pops all about it, I might not be where I am in my career today. I forced myself to develop “daily courage”. It wasn’t meant to be anything spectacular like running into a burning building to save a life, but the courage to ask for what I wanted and the follow through to ensure higher odds of achieving it. I started running for class offices and student council. I was more vocal on the field and court in my athletic endeavors. I worked to stop worrying how uncool I would look by caring about learning and started asking questions in class. These little behaviors for a shy high school student weren’t changing the world, but they were changing me and setting the stage for me to have a chance later in life to do so.

This daily courage blossomed into having more leadership opportunities, building better relationships, and less stress –  I could just be me. I ended high school on a high note, and it gave me a bit of momentum to go into college and be the best version of me. The improvements and continued attempts of measured risk of putting myself out there helped me to get where I am today in my career, and I know have set the stage for my future, whatever that is. Today, I draw on the courage in professional settings all the time:

  • Deal directly with conflict, whether it is with me or two people on my team. I no longer let it linger, but found ways to address it head on where, when and with whom it matters.
  • I’ve been able to go after career changes that I wanted to pursue. On occasions where I wasn’t having the experience I hoped for, I could speak up for myself. I developed a tenacity in fighting for my opportunities, but keeping it professional.
  • Expressing disagreement on a topic with peers and superiors. I may not “win” most occasions, but by having the conversation I gain a greater understanding of purpose. This extends beyond ourselves to peers and superiors’ understanding of us, also.
  • Giving my opinion and making decisions has been made incredibly easier by having courage and conviction for standing up for what I believe in. There has also been a humility that I’ve developed in case I do end up being wrong, and also for when my strong opinion proved to be right. This helps with all kinds of relationships.
  • When I feel wronged or see it happen to someone else I know, I can say something now. That gives me peace to help myself and others. I hope for the best in people, but when this hope fails I know I can help change people and situations for the better.

Pops, at least in person, never saw me graduate college and develop my career and into I am today. I hope he would be proud of what I’ve accomplished and the independence I’ve cultivated.

When he passed away, we did not have a wake or funeral, at his request. This was always one of the Pops-isms that made me smile a little because it was something that made him uniquely him. It wasn’t out of reducing burden or fear that no one would come, but rather making sure that someone else didn’t have the last laugh at his expense. I thought this was, albeit a little paranoid, a form of courage to make sure his life, including the celebration of his life after his death, would end on a high note. It was what he wanted, and we made sure he had it. But he only had it because he asked for it and stood up for his fears and wants. However that manifests itself for all of us, in life, at work, with family and friends, if we don’t stand up for what we want or for ourselves, who else can we guarantee will do that?

The last remaining post will be published in coming days. Please check back soon!

Best Books of 2018… So Far!

Posted on by under Advice, Career, Communication, Fun, Personal Development, Productivity, Professional Development, Uncategorized

In the first six months of 2018, I was extremely fortunate to have picked some reads that left indelible marks on my life. As frequent readers of this blog know, I am a believer of continuous improvement and that reading can not only have incredible impact, but be life changing. In this post, I will share my top reads and recommendations. I hope you take as much joy and meaning from these books as I did!

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Most of my reading has been non-fiction, as I work to explore new ideas and get better at executing what I’m good at, and also where I need improvement. And sometimes you need a break from high quality research and data driven arguments, so a good fiction book or story can add some enjoyment to all of that learning and growth! Fun is important, too!

Overall, in the first six months of 2018, I have read 29 books. This puts me on pace to be ahead of my goal of 50 books to be read by the end of the year. I am a believer in rating books as it helps me to recall which are the most meaningful and where I might want to refer back to the digital highlights to refresh what I learned.

The chart below breaks out how I rated the books to date:

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Generally, my star break outs get defined as:

  1. Can’t get past the beginning. Skipping ahead provides no value. I’ve found flaws or disagree with the book from an ethics standpoint. ALWAYS a “did not finish” (DNF). This has happened perhaps twice in the past three years or so.
  2. I can get a few chapters in, but it is difficult to read. I question what the author is trying to convey and the methods used. This is rare and almost always a DNF.
  3. This was a decent book. I wouldn’t quite recommend, but there was value in either information or entertainment to keep plowing through as best I could.
  4. A “4 star” book is one that keeps me focused on the message, sometimes difficult to put down, and I would always recommend for the right reader. If I enjoy but it doesn’t blow me away, this is where I rate the book.
  5. A book with this rating is impossible to put down, keeping me mesmerized every page. For the days and weeks following, I am telling everyone I see about the book as a must read. It becomes a small obsession!

So what are those best books, you are wondering? I’ll describe some of my favorite four and five star books below.

Here is a list of my 4-star books that I would recommend:

  • Breakfast at Tiffany’s, Truman Capote. It is easy to see why this is a classic! It was impossible to put down, and even what you might expect to be mundane was dramatic.
  • Authorpreneur, Jesse Tevelow. As one who is aspiring to be a published author (more later in post!), this book was brimming with practical advice for self-publishers.
  • How Will You Measure Your Life?, Clayton Christensen. Contrasting the “all in or else” expectation in business, this book presented a refreshing lifestyle approach.
  • Crucial Conversations, Kerry Patterson. I was riveted by the data, anecdotes, and actionable suggestions in this book to build relationships with all kinds of people.
  • Success Under Stress, Sharon Melnick. Instead of succumbing to unhealthy stress, the author provides opportunities for how we can use stress in our favor for success.
  • The Art of Everyday Assertiveness, Patrick King. Assertiveness is a personal goal and a form of self-respect. Everything offered spun a positive view on the topic.
  • What Got You Here Won’t Get You There, Marshall Goldsmith. This was a reminder that we need to grow, adjust, and remold ourselves as we grow and take on new roles.
  • You Are a Writer, Jeff Goins. The author presents a great case that what we see ourselves as if how we are and project to others. So why not be what we want to be?

Here are my 5-star books and why they were worth reading (in no order):

  • The Art of Power, Thich Nhat Hanh. What a book to start the year with! It was a great re-framing of what power actually is and means and how we can take better control of our lives, ourselves, and our relationships.
  • Necessary Dreams, Anna Fels. Even before I finished this book, I was talking about it to almost everyone I came in contact with. The author stated the issues faced with incredible depth and in a fresh way – I felt like I wasn’t alone, and loved the focus on being active in all areas of life like marriage, social environments, and civic engagement.
  • Own It, Sallie Krawcheck. Though skeptical coming into reading this book, I quickly bought in to all it offered. I loved the practical advice that didn’t encourage me to change who I was, but to be more of me with actionable skill development.
  • The Hard Thing About Hard Things, Ben Horowitz. The title is a perfect reminder that nothing great worth doing is without effort. The stories were magnetizing and the forward commentary was captivating, a look into the real life of technology startups without the glamour we expected.
  • The Handmaid’s Tale, Margaret Atwood. It was a wake up call for me to take more action in advocating for what is right – and since then I have been more civically active in standing up for what I believe. Because if I don’t and you don’t, this dystopian fiction could become reality.
  • I’m Not For Everyone. Neither Are You., David Leddick. This book reminded me of the importance of individualism and, though this phrase is everywhere, authenticity. We are who we are for a reason. I was uplifted for days after reading this book..
  • The Millionaire Next Door, Thomas J. Stanley and William D. Danko. While the stats might be out of date, but the concepts are magnetizing. How simple personal finance blogs and authors make things seem, but often without the social science or scientific background as to why certain exercises are indicators of wealth. The conspicuous consumption can be an illusion of wealth.
  • Big Magic, Elizabeth Gilbert. This book found me more than I found it. The concepts of courage and curiosity when it comes to creativity caught my attention and kept me engaged the whole way through. The concept of being ready for the creativity that finds us was interesting to me because I often have ideas that linger without action, and a year or two later I see MY idea in execution by others.
  • Grit, Angela Duckworth. I loved the sense of what could be if we put into practice what had been successfully researched. The approach to having a philosophy and a driving goal as part of what we were doing on a daily and long-term basis was inspiring to me. The book was not just research and anecdotes, but instructional and actionable on how we, too, can develop grit and help others (namely, our children) develop it also.

Rating all of these books and understanding the impacts they each had on me makes me excited for my own book coming out this fall! The reason I’m excited is not only to achieve a lifelong goal of becoming a published author, but to help fill a needed gap in the sorority experience that connects it with creating career success.

My enthusiasm for this purpose and passion project has been supported by positive feedback from women who have read early editions of the book. I sent copies to 22 sorority women across the USA in eight different National Panhellenic Conference organizations. Everyone believed it hit a sweet spot of what is missing in our mutual sorority experiences, helps explain how to differentiate our valuable experience, and creates an opportunity for positive conversation not just in recruitment, but as alums and women who want to achieve success in our careers. More info to come!

What are the books you are reading? What have been your favorites? Is your rating system similar, or how do you rate differently? I am curious to hear your recommendations as well!

Check out some of my other book recommendations!

2017 First Half

2017 Second Half

How a Simple Bus Ride Helped Me be Successful (#4 of 6 – Lessons That Impact Life)

Posted on by under Career, Fun, Personal Development, Professional Development, Uncategorized

This is fourth in a series of six posts about lessons I learned from my grandfather that apply to career growth and development, in addition to just being generally good advice for life. This is in his memory and in honor of Father’s Day.

In the first post of the series, I wrote about the power of reading that my grandfather taught me. The books and reading were only the first aspects in his approach to never stop learning. This is one lesson that has stayed with me to this day. Constant learning is definitely already in my nature, but Pops certainly encouraged this in my siblings and me. Part of this ever present desire to learn he encouraged was also to explore and observe the world around us.

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Many nights, once dinner was done and dishes were cleared from the table, I’d hop next door to my grandfather’s house and we would watch Jeopardy! together. One day I commented how impressed I was with the frequency of right responses that he came up with. Pops laughed at me and exclaimed, “Of course I know the answers. I lived through most of it!” I was a little embarrassed at how obvious the answer was, but it was a funny moment. It was obvious that Pops had, his whole life, had a keen sense of what was going on around him, watching, even if he wasn’t talking. The correct answers didn’t explain how he knew Revolutionary-era American literature or obscure elements on the Periodic Table. There are only so many times that a question might repeat on the show, and it must have been that he was picking up bits (or large chunks!) of knowledge everywhere he went.

But going beyond Jeopardy!, and going beyond books and newspapers, Pops always was ACTIVELY encouraging exploring through doing and observing. One of the biggest ways I always saw him encouraging that principle was through watching everything that went by in the neighborhood. Pops learned about the function and routine of people and animals on our little collection of streets. He knew every time a bus went by, who got on, and where it was headed. He sat in a green plastic chair on his porch, sometimes had conversations with passerby, and it always felt that, with his house the last on that side of the street, which had a slightly higher elevation at his end of it, he was a little bit a king of the neighborhood.

One of my favorite lessons from Pops about exploring had me the most nervous the summer before middle school. Knowing that I would be interested in after school activities and with a potential risk that my parents may not always be available to pick me up after school across the city, he felt I should learn to take the bus home. I had at that point never taken a city bus, and why should I ever need to if Mom and Dad would come get me? It was concerning thinking about the prospect of being unintentionally left alone, so taking the city bus represented some deep feelings and uncertain scenarios about why I might be left alone after school. Now, at this point in history, we had a city bus that ran down our side street right past our houses. He showed me the schedule that was stored on the fridge and we made a plan one summer day to explore taking the bus to and from school.

Pops taught me where to transfer, how to know where to catch the next bus, what to look for in catching the bus, and that if I had any questions to just ask a bus driver. He even brought me to the little convenience store and introduced me to the cashier so I knew where to buy my tickets. Pops even bought my my first multi-pack book of bus passes. We grabbed the next bus back home and had a nice day exploring the 5 Route on the WRTA.

A few years later, all of this came in handy because my parents were inexplicably held up after we were finished with some after school activities, and therefore our daily school bus was not an option. We could have visited some friends instead, but my younger sister and I were eager to go home. By some miracle, I still had the passes and they were surprisingly valid. We hopped on the bus and headed our way home. I was grateful to have known what to do and had the resources in hand to execute. Upon returning home, we went straight to Pops to tell him about our successful adventure, and of course he was pleased that his training had helped us out.

Even though Pops went through every detail, this was one of my first major lessons in planning and learning how to get myself around public transportation in much larger cities (first Boston, and occasionally New York). While Google and smartphones are certainly a convenience we have to help now, I was more comfortable with understanding transportation systems, and in the grander scheme, figuring things out in unfamiliar environments. I can evaluate the alternatives, know when I need to ask a question, and figure out what it will take to get where I need to go or what I need to do. It is amazing that a small bus trip some summer morning had such lasting impacts, but it provided immense confidence and a sense of self-reliance and independence.

Even further down the line, I realized that this exploration and adventure led to development of behaviors that help me be successful even today. A few key areas in my career I realized this lesson and adventure exploring the WRTA bus system taught me include:

  • The ability to grasp all of the options available to me, and to think that there might be other options than what is in front of me
  • A greater sense of independence and less reliance on others, and this extends to thinking critically about the best solutions without someone having to explicitly tell me
  • That it is important to have a contingency plan in place for occasions when the original plan may not work out
  • It is always okay to ask for help or guidance when you need direction, whether geographically or instructional
  • Practice can make perfect, as taking that test run resulted in a flawless and fearless ride and transfer home for my sister and me

It is amazing how one little exploration of something new to me, though I was fortunate to have a seasoned guide, could open up my world, my eyes, and my way of thinking for decades. Only one morning with my grandfather set the stage for so much other skill development, and that too is a powerful lesson. Sometimes what we need to learn is beyond the scope of what we are being taught. It might be days or years before it sinks in, but if we open ourselves to adventure and experimentation, a little risk can pay off in unexpected ways. Thinking about what we have learned can help us continue to learn, whether we choose to capitalize on past experience or open up with exploration of new experiences.

My husband is now my Jeopardy! Partner, and I realize that we’re better now than when we started dating. We’ve lived more life, explored more of what interests us and each other, and are able to successfully buzz in from home more often as the years go on. A sense to keep exploring, whether it results in obscure trivia knowledge or a valuable skill like navigating major transit systems, helps us to constantly grow and develop personally and professionally.

What have been some of your most fruitful explorations and adventures? What were the lessons that you learned?

 

The remaining two posts will be published in coming days. Please check back soon!

Measure the Right Things (#3 of 6 – Lessons That Impact Life)

Posted on by under Advice, Career, Personal Development, Uncategorized

This is third in a series of six posts about lessons I learned from my grandfather that apply to career growth and development, in addition to just being generally good advice for life. This is in his memory and in honor of Father’s Day.

Report card time for any student is stressful. I was inquisitive and curious and worked to learn and apply my skills, even in kindergarten and especially in Advanced Placement (AP) classes. This meant in most cases I was headed for the honor roll, but stuck in a perfectionist mindset anything other than all A’s was disheartening and felt like failure.

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Yes, I acknowledge now as a “recovering perfectionist” that being in a perfectionist mindset was ridiculous. I’m more forgiving of myself and realize that mistakes are opportunities, not just a penalty.

In my last post, I shared a lesson from my grandfather to figure out what really matters in life. Do the grades in my classes really matter? They influenced where I could apply to and attend college and grad school, but otherwise, these grades were a measure of a moment in time of how I could use the information. It didn’t take into account how it was applied outside the contexts of a classroom, how it could be meaningful, or if I would even retain it past the point of measurement.

But if something on a report card did matter to my grandfather, it was conduct and effort. Pops valued how we presented ourselves not just at home but in public. He found it important that we try our best no matter what we did. Pops didn’t mind a lower subject grade coming home if you truly did everything in your power to learn. The learning process, interest, and focus mattered. If you brought home an A in conduct and an A in effort, a reward of $20 was yours to collect.

This attitude was helpful to me when I got to college at WPI and was surrounded by incredibly brilliant people who also worked hard. There were certainly some curve busters in the classes I took (and I definitely did NOT fill that role!). The hard earned B (differential equations) or rare C (intro to electrical engineering…for majors) were sometimes accomplishments with greater pride than the A’s that came more easily.  

I realized in those moments of pride that I understood what Pops wanted us to learn by his reward system. Maybe it wasn’t exactly more about the journey than the destination, but how you go about the process, how you are as a person, and how you respect other people. No one wants to be around a person who is centered on how funny they are (especially when they aren’t!) instead of the task at hand. Anyone who has ever worked on a team or group project knows the pain of that one partner who doesn’t ever pull their weight.

He was, without telling us, building our character. Pops was encouraging, by rewarding conduct and effort, traits that would help us in the long run. That report card with “A” plastered all over it in fifth grade is great, but even better is the ability to contribute to a meaningful cause.

Right now I am reading the book Grit by Angela Duckworth. The timing as I write this post couldn’t be any more serendipitous. While I still have room for improvement on the grittiness scale, I know the expectations on conduct and effort helped develop a work ethic and ability to grind when the going gets tough. Following through with commitments, either personally or to others, matters. It is sadly a point of differentiation in a world of instant gratification.

Over the past few years at my current company, I’ve said “yes” to assignments that were new experiences, including one with ambiguous pathways for how to achieve success. On this project, the important thing was to first establish what the expectations were with my leaders. Once that was understood, I had to rally my team toward goals that meant something to each team member. We made these declarations together in the same room, and each group’s contribution to the list of goals was posted, shared, and agreed to by everyone.

Each team member committed to all of the goals, not just the ones they contributed. This built a mutual respect and understanding for what each member of the team needed to be successful. Doing a list of joint goals allowed trust and respect to be earned by everyone. If something didn’t go perfectly, we were more willing to go with the flow and work towards resolution than live with frustration. Mutual trust and respect being already established helped. This is the conduct and effort from the report card in action in a real work situation. When we measured goals that mattered to everyone, the whole team gelled and committed. The result was a level of success that went beyond any expectation.

My grandfather was a savvy guy. He knew the motivations that would result in helping his grandchildren become the best people they could be in school or in society, on top of what my parents were already doing. Pops recognized that if you measured (and rewarded) the right things, you could get the desired results. The lesson was clear to us that acing a test was only part of the equation, we had to be model citizens and represent the family well. And to do that, conduct and effort were measured and rewarded.

Have you noticed when you alter what or how you measure, that outcomes change? Did you learned any lessons from measuring the wrong thing? How do you know you are measuring the right things in your own life?

The remaining three posts will be published in coming days. Please check back soon!